the whole story

this may be too much detail for some i haven't really figured out everything i want to write yet.

the pregnancy didn't feel right but i didn't want to be paranoid so i just figured everything was ok. i guess now i know why i didn't have any morning sickness. for a few days before the miscarriage i had a brownish and light pink discharge and called my midwife. she said it can either be the start of a miscarriage or nothing. then while at home with owen i started bleeding, i called mike to come home and eileen our midwife again. i decided to just wait to see what was going on, this was around 3pm. a few hours later i had the miscarriage at home i then went through the labor pains and passed everything else around 10pm.

i decided i wanted to go to the hospital to get an ultrasound just to make sure i passed everything. i told the dr. that if there was tissue, etc left that i wanted to pass it on my own and i would refuse the d&t. he was so nice and said that is fine and that it was my body and my decision, whew no lectures :) the only bad thing was that at genesys the standard protocol is a catheter for the ultrasound, ugh. everything would have been fine except for that. apparently it is the only hospital around that does that and both the nurse and doctor didn't agree with it. another hospital run by mba's not md's. anyway i passed everything myself and we ended up getting home at 6am. i don't regret going to the hospital i would have worried whether or not i passed everything.

i figured once all of this got out of the way the emotions would start. i think the thing that bothers me the most right now is that we have to wait because it is pretty certain that i will have morning sickness again and i want to be able to work this summer.

i wanted owen to be close to 2years apart from his sibling but i know that it will be easier for me if they are further apart. i also will have less worries about sleeping arrangements because now we can definitely wait until owen is ready for his own bed. i also don't have to worry about moving while i am 7 or 8 months pregnant (of course now i am not exempt from helping). i am really trying to dwell on the positives and i know with time this will all get easier.

i am thankful my mom was around to come over and watch the kids. I am also so happy we have such a wonderful midwife, i must have called her like 10 times. she also said i could call her if i just needed to talk, it is really nice to have that kind of support. how many ob's would do that??